New views at every turn

I had a feeling of déjà vu as I walked my daughter to her classroom on the opening day of first grade. And no wonder—the last time I’d walked through those doors, I was attending my son’s elementary school graduation almost ten years earlier. At that time, I didn’t know I would be parenting two generations of children.

My friends enjoy teasing me about being a “perennial parent.” With children so far apart in age, there were times when I was stretched to the limit taking care of their needs. Sometimes it felt exhausting to be stepping back into the role of caregiver while my peers were retiring and relaxing. But far from being thankless drudgery, parenting across the age spectrum has actually energized me by continually teaching me to drop my load of worry through a deeper trust in God’s hand in my life. In this way, it’s been the greatest impetus for spiritual advancement.

A fresh chapter

After a first marriage that ended in divorce and years of parenting my son (now college-aged) as a single mom, I remarried and was delighted to begin the new parent cycle again when my daughter came along. Like retaking a test with the benefit of already knowing the questions and answers, I was prepared for the challenge. But I was surprised at how the landscape had changed since my son’s birth. Should infants sleep on their tummies or their backs? What’s appropriate discipline? How much time should kids spend on the computer? The shifts in human opinions about childcare were significant. Practices that were considered best in the ‘80s were no longer “approved” 20 years later.

All of these changing theories about child rearing seemed to put health and safety at the bull’s-eye of a moving target—they seemed almost impossible to reach. Fortunately my past on-the-job training had taught me that although I needed to acknowledge practical advice about parenting, the real ace up my sleeve was the ability to turn to God in all circumstances.

God’s protection had been so evident through the many stages of my son’s childhood. And when he became a young adult, I’d been challenged to see that my son could not drive, fly, skydive, shark-dive, jet-ski, or three-wheel out of God’s presence. Praying from this standpoint of God’s presence, I’d been able to step back and witness how He was forwarding each one of us spiritually through our varied activities.

Moving through the tough times

By the time my daughter came into our family, I was routinely turning to prayer to handle all of my problems and to establish balance. This ability to take concerns straight to God was invaluable when an unexpected crisis shook our family like never before.

My second husband passed on when my daughter was just three. He’d been a very involved dad, so there’d been a close, loving bond between father and daughter. My son, who was packing for his first year in college, was also shaken by the loss. I prayed for help in relieving the family’s burden of sadness and in dealing with the changes we would have to make. As the months passed, it seemed as if we were all making progress.

But at one point, my daughter’s behavior changed, and she became very angry. In calmer moments, she was sorry for her actions, but she couldn’t verbalize what was triggering her outbursts. I received reports from preschool that their normal disciplinary techniques weren’t working. Friends suggested that I take my daughter to a therapist or seek medical treatment for hyperactivity, but I felt that psychotherapy and medicine were not the answer. I knew that as God’s child, her genuine nature was peaceful and controlled. Still the behavior continued. Unable to solve the problem, I longed for my husband’s steady presence and advice. I felt I truly needed an angel.

So I consulted the Christian Science textbook, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, for guidance. I found the definition of angels. Unlike the traditional image of a winged cherub or a floating apparition, this definition gave a more practical view. It defined angels as “God’s thoughts passing to man; spiritual intuitions, pure and perfect; the inspiration of goodness, purity, and immortality, counteracting all evil, sensuality, and mortality.” As I was praying about the situation, one of these angel thoughts came to me. “She’s mad because she thinks her father chose to leave her behind.”

The next day, I sat down with my daughter and explained that her daddy loved her and would never have intentionally left. Her comments and questions indicated that the angel message had been right. She’d misinterpreted her father’s passing, thinking that he’d chosen a better place to live. We shared some happy memories of her father, and I assured her that although he was no longer in sight, his love, like God’s love, would always be there. We could be assured that God, as never-ending Life, would continue to advance her father. And God would keep her moving forward as well. She bounded off to play. The anger vanished and has not reappeared.

Progress without burdens

With my husband’s passing and my son away at college, our once bustling household of four became just mother and daughter. And gradually, the sadness of celebrating holidays without my husband pulled me into a pit of depression. It seemed as though life wasn’t functioning well without him.

Things came to a head one winter morning as I prepared for a midday gathering at my house. An early snowfall had left a thick white blanket on the driveway. For the safety of my guests, I wanted to shovel the snow, but just didn’t have time. My daughter was fussy, and I couldn’t even pull myself away long enough to finish preparing the meal for my guests. There was no one to help. Nothing seemed to be working. I felt so resentful that God had “allowed” this to happen to me. After all, I’d worked hard, followed the rules, and tried to be a good person. I wanted to give up, but no one was there to shoulder my responsibilities.

I knew I had to take control of my thinking. Could I really accept that God, who’d always provided for me so beautifully, would let me founder? I’d seen before that when negative thinking, or mortal mind, claims one thing, you can bet that the opposite is true. The sense of despair had mesmerized me into obsessing over everything that was missing, instead of focusing on what hadn’t changed—God’s care for my family’s progress. I needed to be “grateful for the good already received” if I wanted to continue to see more (Science and Health). As I scurried around the house, I audibly gave thanks for everything I could think of off the top of my head—from God, family, friends, to my most basic needs such as water, clean air, a home, freedom, music. Turning my attention to this bounty made me feel blessed instead of cursed.

With this attitude, I decided to forge ahead and be content with my best efforts to prepare for my guests. I’d not shared my frustration with anyone, so I was very surprised when I looked out the window to see my neighbor’s son shoveling my driveway. He explained that he was doing a good deed to fulfill a community service requirement for school. He even refused my offer of payment. When my guests arrived, they jumped in to help with last-minute preparations, and the party went forward without a hitch. Shortly after the gathering, a relative even offered to babysit my daughter so I could take a break and spend a day away with my son at his college.

As modest as these blessings may seem, they echoed a favorite passage in Science and Health, “Divine Love always has met and always will meet every human need.” Although I thought my need was to have more hands on deck when I was juggling multiple responsibilities, my real need was to understand that God, always available good, had never left His post. My life couldn’t be either at a standstill or chaotic—not with Love’s careful attention.

The ability to expect God’s continued provision constantly dissolves any stirrings of resentment that crop up toward the duties I face as a single parent. I feel I can actually give with freedom now because I understand more about the wonderful relationship I have with God—through every landmark in my own and my children’s lives. Science and Health explains it in this way: “Each successive stage of experience unfolds new views of divine goodness and love.”

So when those feelings of déjà vu occur, I face them with the assurance that, as always, God is by my side, gently moving me on and helping me see that I’m not repeating events; I’m seeing new scenes every day.

We appreciate your feedback and support. Please share your thoughts and comments about this   article.
* Name:
* Email:
* Confirm Email:
Your message:
* Designates a required field. By submitting to the site, you agree to the site's Terms of Service. All submissions may be used by spirituality.com as described in the Terms of Service.

Printer friendly