Back pain, panic attacks—healed

I used to be less a human being and more a “human doing.” I always had to be doing something. Besides working, I played and coached sports, participated in community events, clubs, special interest groups, family activities, and gardening projects, and the list goes on.

For the first few weeks after my wife, Jodie, and I moved house early last year, I kept up my go-go schedule. The new house needed a lot of fixing up, so I found it easy to fill my time. Then, out of nowhere, I came down with a painful back condition.

At first I tried putting my work aside for a day or so at a time and then resuming my schedule. My back would get a little better, but the pain would quickly return. All my old tricks of hot showers, stretching, bending, and going for long walks failed. When I turned to prayer—which I admit was not my first response—I could do little else than focus on the pain and notice the jobs that remained untouched.

Twice during this initial period of chronic, intense pain the words “Be still, and know that I am God” came vividly to mind. But at first I heeded only the first part of this instruction. I did become still (put my work list aside), but I didn’t really take the opportunity to get to know God better.

I read the Bible and Science and Health a little bit for inspiration, but quickly my focus would return to the pain. I had even convinced myself that my injury was life threatening, and I soon noticed a wider range of symptoms to add to the back condition. Almost daily I would experience feelings of illness, which would set off anxiety and panic attacks.

The physical pain was now secondary to my mental anguish. Jodie was very patient with me. She talked me through the moments of severe anxiety and prayed constantly with me. My wife and I have typically relied on Christian Science treatment and successfully found healing.

But at one point, Jodie reminded me that if I wanted to see a doctor, that was entirely my choice and she would support that decision. But I decided I wanted to stick with Christian Science treatment, so I called a Christian Science practitioner for help.

The practitioner referred me to “the scientific statement of being” in Science and Health. He asked me to not simply read this statement, but to ponder it and gain a deeper meaning. This statement begins: “There is no life, truth, intelligence, nor substance in matter. All is infinite Mind and its infinite manifestation, for God is All-in-all.” These first lines clearly showed me that God is Spirit and I am His reflection—i.e., purely spiritual.

That night I slept relatively pain-free. When the pain and anxiety returned a couple of days later, however, I contacted the practitioner. He again referred me to Science and Health, this time to the question “What is man.” I could apply the book’s answers to this question directly to my situation.

The discussions with the practitioner and the noticeable physical improvements immediately following set me off on a serious search for a higher meaning. I began studying intensely, some days using every available minute.

Several months passed, and as a result of my concentrated prayer and study—and the newfound understanding I gained regarding my spiritual perfection and wholeness as God’s likeness—the back pain and associated anxiety ceased entirely.

While I was studying Science and Health, two particular sentences spoke loudly to me: “Consciousness constructs a better body when faith in matter has been conquered. Correct material belief by spiritual understanding, and Spirit will form you anew.” This was a promise I had been looking for. And healing resulted.

Rob Swales lives in Witta, Queensland, Australia.

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