Friendship is a two-way street

I met my best friend, Kiki, when I was just three years old. Our moms had been friends at college and happened to reconnect at a small church in the Dallas metroplex. From that point on we were in each other’s lives in Sunday School and many times for the entire weekend. We spent holidays, birthdays, and vacations together—and to this day she is the only person to whom I’ve given the title “best friend.”

We never imagined that could change. How could we ever not be integral parts of each other’s daily lives? Then she decided to go to a boarding school, which was quite a distance from Texas. I was a high school senior and couldn’t bear the thought that we’d be spending my last year before college apart. Still, I reasoned that we could often talk on the phone and see each other on school breaks. But I had to learn that friendship is always a two-way street.

Unexpectedly we later found ourselves living across the country from each other, and getting together became an immense challenge. It felt like we’d never live close by again. And as we became immersed in our own separate lives, a gulf seemed to develop between us. Phone calls became less frequent, and years actually went by without our seeing one another.

What had happened? We’d sworn to be best friends forever, and that neither time nor distance could separate the love and bond that we shared. I still loved Kiki deeply and thought about her often, but something always made me hesitate to call. It was as if I could not bridge the gap between us—or perhaps I was simply unwilling to try. I didn’t want to lose her in my life and feared that I was doing just that. Much of this was my own doing, as I neglected to call her back when she left messages, and rarely thought to call her myself.

Then about a year ago, so unhappy in many aspects of my life—particularly with how I handled friendships—I knew it was time for drastic measures. Yearning for clarity, I had an awakening. Suddenly, as if a cloud had been lifted, I saw things clearly for the first time in a long time: These aspects were not out of my control; I could make some positive changes. I was sure that prayer could give me the answers I needed. As I prayed to understand what my next steps should be, I realized that the best example of how to be a friend could be found in God’s loving example. God nurtures His children, hears their call, allays fears, and heals broken hearts. By recognizing the ultimate friend in God, I learned how to be a better friend. I came to see that friendships have to be a two-way street—in order to receive love and companionship, you must give of yourself.

I saw that I’d allowed myself to be consumed by my own challenges, disappointments, and sadness, instead of ever being a real friend. I was reminded of what Jesus said: “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Here was the kind of selfless love I needed to implement in my life. Instead of allowing personal problems to be all consuming, I needed to remember the importance of giving back to those I love.

One of the greatest joys that came with that realization was rediscovering that “very best friendship.” I began by making an effort to answer the phone when Kiki called, to call her regularly, and take the time for us to get to know each other again. This led to her being there for me when I went through some particularly tough times, which would have been even harder without her. We’re still separated by miles, but I now see that there’s no limit to the distance that love travels.

With this renewal of our friendship I’ve been a part of exciting moments in her life: from her call about her first job, to a picture of her engagement ring texted to my cellphone after her fiancé proposed.

My prayers for clarity in all aspects of my life led me to a reassessment of what is most important, namely, love—after all, God is Love. I have come to view God as the ultimate friend and His selfless love for each of us as the greatest example I can base any relationship on. “If the foundations of human affection are consistent with progress,” wrote Mary Baker Eddy in Science and Health, “they will be strong and enduring.” I believe this is true whatever the relationship.

I realize how blessed I am that Kiki did not give up on me. But the best thing has been to learn the precious value of true friendship as a representation of God’s eternal love for—and friendship with—His children.

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