A spiritual sabbatical changed my life

In the mid 1990s, I experienced a spiritual awakening that changed my life. At the time, I was doing the “struggling actor” thing in New York City. Sliding down the path of despair, I would start sobbing uncontrollably for no reason. Initially I thought these episodes were the result of my acting, a kind of unearthing of my emotional life. But it continued to get worse and gave way to self-destructive behavior that included the abuse of drugs and promiscuous sex.

One night, sitting on a bench in Times Square, I wrote in my journal, “What is truth?” Years had passed since I last went to church. The few friends I had didn’t talk of spiritual things, and my sense of worth had eroded to an all-time low. However, that night I reached out to God with all my heart. What happened next convinced me God heard me.

The next morning I felt inspired to stop everything I was doing—my job, acting—and take some time off. I dismissed that idea since it seemed utterly ridiculous. No savings, a struggling actor—please. But when the idea persisted over the next few weeks, I finally decided to trust it.

I ended up taking a two-month sabbatical. Each day I listened for God to direct my activities. Putting Him first gave my life new meaning and focus. I was beginning to learn, through my study of the Bible and Mary Baker Eddy’s book, Science and Health, that God is totally in control of every aspect of my life—governing, guiding and guarding me. Eddy writes, “Spiritual sense is a conscious, constant capacity to understand God.” This statement became a guidepost for my desire to know God and discover a deeper purpose for my life.

Those two months were really a time of incredible spiritual growth. All my needs were taken care of. I didn’t starve. I didn’t lose my apartment. More importantly, though, I felt a closeness to God I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Not surprisingly, my interest in drugs and sleeping around fell away, too. I felt loved, worthy, strong, capable and intelligent. This was my truth, and God was showing it to me.

After my two-month break it was time to make some money again, so I applied to work as a waiter at a chic restaurant on Manhattan’s Upper East Side. I was hired instantly and my newfound spiritual awareness was soon put to the test.

The manager seemed to have it in for me from the very first day. New employees had to take an extensive menu test. I got a perfect score. The manager thought I cheated. He thought it was impossible for someone with my limited experience to have a working knowledge of the restaurant’s extensive liquor and wine collection. It didn’t seem to matter that I had tended bar for a number of years and had worked in quite a few restaurants. Sitting in front of me, he made me retake the test. Again, I made a perfect score.

Things got worse. He would follow me around and patronize me in front of customers. I was given bad sections in the restaurant whenever I came in to work. And more often than not, I was the one he chose to send home when business was slow. Then a friend, in whom I had confided my troubles, informed me this manager had two pending lawsuits against him for this kind of behavior. The plaintiffs were African Americans. I am African American, so perhaps that explained everything.

I never confirmed my friend’s allegations, but my prior two months of spiritual refreshment gave me a new way of looking at this man. I felt sure that God, who is Love, would never put me in a compromising position, much less allow me to be hurt and abused. I also felt strongly that this manager is just as included in God’s love as I am.

In the past, I might have quit this job, but I kept coming to work. Yes, I needed the money, and this was a nice place, but I stuck around because God was not telling me to leave.

Finally, after a couple of weeks I said, “No!” in response to the all-too-familiar, “Kwadjo, come back tomorrow, we don’t need you to work today.”

In front of the staff, my manager laughed and said there was nothing he could do. So I left. I headed over to Central Park, livid, thinking, “What the heck is going on?” I was sitting in front of a pond, ranting in my journal, when I looked up to see hoards of little kids and their parents running around and playing. I started to feel a wonderful warmth, a peace around me. I was so moved by the joy and beauty of that scene that I completely forgot where I had just come from. Life felt so good, so whole and complete, and I was grateful to see it.

The next day I returned to work. I was told that soon after I left, the manager was fired. I never did find out why, but I do know that recognizing the allness of God in the park that afternoon left me with a feeling of calm and the knowledge that there was nothing except good going on—everywhere.

I learned something about prayer that day, too. I don’t recall petitioning God with words. But I do remember keeping in my thoughts the good I was learning about my relationship with Him. My desire was simply to see God, good, expressed in this situation.

Revolutionary thinker Mary Baker Eddy said that desire is prayer. In her book Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures she writes, “Desire is prayer; and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds.”

Months later the manager returned to the restaurant to pay a visit to some of his old friends. He was visibly moved as I extended my hand to greet him. It was so inspiring to see the staff embrace him with such warmth and tenderness. It was humbling to think that my growing spiritual awareness had sustained me, and was now showing me the good that was always in him.

I continued working in that restaurant for a year or so. During that time I started performing in a band with some friends. We played in places like the legendary CBGB’s in Manhattan. Acting gigs began popping up, and I finally acquired my first real agent.

I’ve still got some good actor friends, but my path has led me to another workbench. I’m now in a new city working for an organization devoted to inspiring and empowering people with practical tools for spiritual growth. I’m using all the skills I discovered while pursuing acting, and the lessons I learned in that New York restaurant are handy, too.

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