Never inferior, always worthy

The first chapter in the Bible relates that God created us in His own image. It doesn’t say that some “images” are better than others, but “in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them,” with no exceptions. To me, this means that all of God’s ideas reflect Him and were created with equal capacities for good, creativity, purpose, and value.

This is a lesson I had to learn for myself. I grew up with two very talented brothers: one a concert violinist who also had a magnificent baritone voice, the other an interior designer, gourmet cook, and artist. My mother was also an accomplished artist. How about me? Well, I played the piano but was never great. Mostly, I felt inadequate. The constant comparisons I made, coupled with the fact that my dad left our family when I was seven, diminished my self-worth for many years.

When I was 19, a young man I’d been dating introduced me to Christian Science. When we eventually married, my life changed radically. Many wonderful healings came my way and I discovered that God was my Father-Mother, always loving and caring for me. Even though I was grateful for these new spiritual discoveries, my self-worth was still lacking. My husband and I wanted children, but after 12 years, we still hadn’t been successful. Being unable to have a child added to a sense of not deserving love, and self-condemnation and deep depression began to fill my days.

One day, struggling with sadness, I gazed out the living room window and thought about walking into oncoming traffic on our busy street. At that point, I knew I needed help and immediately called a Christian Science practitioner. He referred me to the Biblical account of Jesus and his dominion in walking over the waves towards his disciples (see Mark, Chapter 6). We talked about how Jesus didn’t struggle through the waves of the sea, but walked over them. I realized I could mentally walk over my depression and insecurity and make efforts to see myself as God’s own loved, worthy child. Even if I wasn’t going to be a mother, I reasoned, it was still possible to express the qualities of motherhood: love, nurturing, caring for others. Soon, I was appointed to serve as Reading Room Librarian for my local Christian Science branch church and, wishing to express those mothering qualities on the job, I accepted.

In the coming years, as I prayed to recognize what true spiritual worth really is, there was lots of progress. My husband and I took Christian Science primary class instruction, and my commitment to be a healer was strengthened. And a few years after that, we were given the opportunity to adopt a baby girl. Holding her in my arms for the first time was a moment etched in my heart. Three years later, we adopted a wonderful little boy. My dream of being a mother had been fulfilled after all.

As years passed, and I gained confidence in learning that my life had spiritual value, I became open to express more selflessness. A helpful article titled “The Way” in Mary Baker Eddy’s Miscellaneous Writings 1883-1896, points out three necessary stages for spiritual growth: self-knowledge, humility, and love. It felt to me like that was the right time to focus on expressing love—“the greatest of all stages and states of being . . .” (p. 357:20)—love that is not selfish in its desires, but is willing to let God fulfill them in His way.

For the first time, I allowed my name to stay on ballots for election to church committee positions, and from then on I welcomed any opportunity to serve. And I came to see my prayers about self-worth through the years hadn’t been in vain. For example, as a volunteer prison chaplain, I met with many inmates whose self-worth was extremely low, and it was rewarding to confidently reassure them of God’s love for them and to express my conviction that their lives could turn around. We also discussed how no one has more value than another, or needs to feel inferior, because we are all created equal in God’s eyes.

When you have a negative sense of who you are, you’re really denying what is true about God. The Bible mentions, “God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold it was very good.” I’ve learned that our innate abilities come to us directly from our heavenly Father. This means we have unlimited capacities in whatever we’re inspired to do, in any field of right endeavor. An awakened sense of true selfhood opens the way for us to go forward and realize that our abilities and talents trace from a spiritual heritage. Then, we not only feel worthy, but are empowered in encouraging others to take a closer look at who they really are.

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